Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Getting There...
Where to start? I did really well last nite with housework and laundry! There's still a lot to do but I feel good about what I've accomplished. I got at least 3 loads of laundry done, the laundry room, garage entryway and 1/2 bathroom done last nite. They all needed some TLC badly. They are still in decent shape today. So I tried something, an experiment. I went to bed at 1 am and had my alarm set. I got 4 hours of sleep and woke up without a problem at 5 am. Now, what was my reason for getting up at 5 am? So I could get my morning routine done before the kids wake up. Ya, well I rolled over, opened my eyes and got a big old grin from Alex. He was already awake. So I ask him what he's awake for and gave him his paci. After I did that Nikolas is coming down the stairs. So at 5 am I had two kids awake.
About the time my alarm went off at 4:30 am is when Erek was going to bed. He asked me how the baby was and I told him he's fine. He put his hands on my belly. Then he said he was sorry things didn't work out between the two of us. About this time Nikolas joined us in bed. Erek was being all touchy feely. I asked Erek what he was doing and his reply was the classic male answer of 'I dunno'. So I told him he can't keep going back and forth like this, gave Nikolas a hug and kiss and got out of bed. I went to the bathroom and then Erek says to come here. I go sit on his side of the bed and he asks how I'm doing with this. My reply, I'm doing fine, not like I can dwell on it, I have 3 boys to care for and one to get ready for. Then I added that I wasn't letting myself think about it. He asked if I wanted to lay down and I said Nope. I got up and took myself away from the situation. I just don't get it. I try to work on things and he just acts cold, distant, and like a total jerk. I give up on us and he's like this! I'm just not going to let it affect me this time. He's done! Like I told him, I have 3 boys I have to take care of and Logan will be here very soon. I need to prepare myself to be a single mom of 4 boys. I need to get my life ready for that with routines for both me and the boys. I am not going to let my kids down. They depend on me for care and love. I'm using this time that we're still living together to get my system in place, my home cleaned, laundry done up, and ready for Logan's arrival. I don't have a choice, I have to do this.
Now with that said I need to get off my ass and get these thing done. First up is laundry and then the kitchen. Here we go!
Well, writing really helped motivate me so I'm hoping it will have the same effect tonight. I got a load of laundry done, the kitchen cleaned up and made and ate dinner. We had pancakes, bacon, cantelope, and oatmeal. It was very good and filling. I got my list made out for tonight and then watched a cartoon with Nikolas. I love spending time with him. Now it's time to motivate myself and get this house sparkling.
My house is startin to look a lot better! The upstairs with the exception of the office and the kid's bathroom (which can always use a cleaning) the rest of the rooms on that floor just need some straightening. The laundry room, garage entryway, 1/2 bathroom and master bathroom are in pretty good shape. I had the kitchen sparkling but then made dinner so its a mess again. So the kitchen, living room, dining room, front entryway and my bedroom all need some serious cleaning but they are all on my list for tonight, along with laundry. Now I just need to get the motivation and get busy!
But first I need to complain about something. You guessed it, it has to do with Erek. So first I need to explain something that would make my complaint more understandable. At Erek's work they do a points system. You get a point for calling in, having to go home early, and 1/2 a point for being late. If you accumulate 10 points within a year's time you get fired. Well Erek had 8 points as of yesterday. So what does he do today? He called in and traveled 4 hours south to visit his best friend. So that puts him at 9 points. I am 37 weeks pregnant! This means that sometime in the next 3 weeks I will be going into labor. If I go into labor while he's at work I can't call him out of work. So there is a good chance that I will be alone for the delivery. This is so selfish of him to do this. It just irritates me to no end! When he does stuff like this it really makes me wonder! Oh well, there's not a damn thing I can do about it. But now that I've complained about it, I can move on and not let it bother me. I will just have to prepare myself to go thru labor alone. I now must carry on and focus on my boys, my pregnancy, our home and the laundry.
Well I feel much better now and I'm starting to get motivated. First up is laundry, then the kitchen, more laundry, the living room, laundry again, dining room and front entryway, even more laundry and my bedroom. Somewhere in there I need to get Andrew and Nikolas to bed. I'd better get started!
About the time my alarm went off at 4:30 am is when Erek was going to bed. He asked me how the baby was and I told him he's fine. He put his hands on my belly. Then he said he was sorry things didn't work out between the two of us. About this time Nikolas joined us in bed. Erek was being all touchy feely. I asked Erek what he was doing and his reply was the classic male answer of 'I dunno'. So I told him he can't keep going back and forth like this, gave Nikolas a hug and kiss and got out of bed. I went to the bathroom and then Erek says to come here. I go sit on his side of the bed and he asks how I'm doing with this. My reply, I'm doing fine, not like I can dwell on it, I have 3 boys to care for and one to get ready for. Then I added that I wasn't letting myself think about it. He asked if I wanted to lay down and I said Nope. I got up and took myself away from the situation. I just don't get it. I try to work on things and he just acts cold, distant, and like a total jerk. I give up on us and he's like this! I'm just not going to let it affect me this time. He's done! Like I told him, I have 3 boys I have to take care of and Logan will be here very soon. I need to prepare myself to be a single mom of 4 boys. I need to get my life ready for that with routines for both me and the boys. I am not going to let my kids down. They depend on me for care and love. I'm using this time that we're still living together to get my system in place, my home cleaned, laundry done up, and ready for Logan's arrival. I don't have a choice, I have to do this.
Now with that said I need to get off my ass and get these thing done. First up is laundry and then the kitchen. Here we go!
Well, writing really helped motivate me so I'm hoping it will have the same effect tonight. I got a load of laundry done, the kitchen cleaned up and made and ate dinner. We had pancakes, bacon, cantelope, and oatmeal. It was very good and filling. I got my list made out for tonight and then watched a cartoon with Nikolas. I love spending time with him. Now it's time to motivate myself and get this house sparkling.
My house is startin to look a lot better! The upstairs with the exception of the office and the kid's bathroom (which can always use a cleaning) the rest of the rooms on that floor just need some straightening. The laundry room, garage entryway, 1/2 bathroom and master bathroom are in pretty good shape. I had the kitchen sparkling but then made dinner so its a mess again. So the kitchen, living room, dining room, front entryway and my bedroom all need some serious cleaning but they are all on my list for tonight, along with laundry. Now I just need to get the motivation and get busy!
But first I need to complain about something. You guessed it, it has to do with Erek. So first I need to explain something that would make my complaint more understandable. At Erek's work they do a points system. You get a point for calling in, having to go home early, and 1/2 a point for being late. If you accumulate 10 points within a year's time you get fired. Well Erek had 8 points as of yesterday. So what does he do today? He called in and traveled 4 hours south to visit his best friend. So that puts him at 9 points. I am 37 weeks pregnant! This means that sometime in the next 3 weeks I will be going into labor. If I go into labor while he's at work I can't call him out of work. So there is a good chance that I will be alone for the delivery. This is so selfish of him to do this. It just irritates me to no end! When he does stuff like this it really makes me wonder! Oh well, there's not a damn thing I can do about it. But now that I've complained about it, I can move on and not let it bother me. I will just have to prepare myself to go thru labor alone. I now must carry on and focus on my boys, my pregnancy, our home and the laundry.
Well I feel much better now and I'm starting to get motivated. First up is laundry, then the kitchen, more laundry, the living room, laundry again, dining room and front entryway, even more laundry and my bedroom. Somewhere in there I need to get Andrew and Nikolas to bed. I'd better get started!
Learning...
So my routines are figured out! But what good are they if I don't follow them? They won't work without follow-through. The first thing on my routine is to wake up at 5 am. What time did I wake? 8 am! I got Andrew delivered at school and then fell back asleep in bed. I don't understand why I have such a hard time with waking up early. It's weird too because when I get just a few hours of sleep I can get up without a problem. When I go to bed at a decent time and get a full nite's sleep I have an awful time in the mornings. Why is that I wonder? Another issue I have that I have is that I always seem to lose my motivation after I eat-in the afternoons. So what am I suppose to do, don't eat and get no sleep? I can't live like that, especially being prenant. Hmm, I need to figure out a solution to these two issues and quickly! The only thing I've come up with for the sleeping issue is to go to bed late, get up a few hours later, and just take naps during the day. I'd be getting my sleep but it would be broken up. Actually, this idea might take care of both problems! I would nap in the afternoons after I've lost my motivation and hopefully gain it back after I nap. Hmm it's an idea that's for sure! It just means that I would have to redo my routines again. UGH!
Oh Dear!
Well I have a ton to write about now. My marriage is officially over. At least I know what my life will be like in the future. I will be a single mom of 4 boys. I am not going to dwell on the fact that my marriage is over. I need to step up the the plate for myself and the boys. I need to start to do everything on my own. I will work on being a better rolemodel for them. I need a plan. That's why I am writing tonight. I have three almost four boys that I will need to shape into great men. I want them to be successful in life. I want them to become great fathers and good husbands. They will now need to be taught that marriage is important. They have not had great role models in this area. Now I need to come up with a way to handle all of the childcare, housework, laundry, yardwork, gardening, and finances all alone. I do not need a man. Especially one who only seems to care about his own feelings and not about anybody elses. I can do this on my own and I will! Tomorrow morning I will have to go to DHS and et on assistance. That will help with the finances for now. Tonight I need to come up plans to handle the rest of it all. The plans might need tweaking here and there.
Childcare
So the basic needs of my children are self-explanatory. I do need to do better in this area. I need to work on some routines for each of the boys and stick to them. I need to set up some rules, reward systems, and expected consequences and follow thru with them with consistency. I also need to set up chores for Andrew and Nikolas. This idea scares me the most. Mostly because of Andrew. He is such a strong-willed and defiant child. I know its going to be a struggle with Andrew. I think I'm gonna have to provide Andrew with his basic needs and books and require him to earn things back through chores, responsibility, and good behavior. I know this is what's going to happen with him. I'm just gonna have to enforce these chores no matter what. Now I have to figure out what chores I would like him to be responsible for. I know I would like him to make his bed each mornin, set and clear the table, keep the kid's bathroom straightened, declutter his bedroom floor each nite, and to declutter the playroom/family room floor for 5 minutes each nite with Nikolas's help. I think this will be a good starting point for Andrew. Okay now for Nikolas. He can help me make his bed, put laundry in the machines, declutter his bedroom floor, and help Andrew in the playroom/family room for 5 minutes. That should be good for Nikolas, for now.
Housekeeping
How do I keep 24 rooms/areas CHAOS free and clean? Do I start from the top each day or do I just focus on straightening but if I do that how will I work cleaning into my routines. My routines have to be doable each day. How do I manage childcare and getting out of CHAOS? I'm not sure how to answer this one yet.
Okay I stopped writing to think about how to handle this part and I hope I've come up with an answer. After the morning routines are completed I am going to do my FOCUS cleaning and laundry. I already have a FOCUS cleaning schedule in place. I will work on these two things until I start my afternoon routine. Once the kids are in bed I will focus on just straighteneing. Here is my FOCUS cleaning schedule:
Mondays: Office, Kid's Bathroom, Andrew's Room, Nikolas's Room, Alex's Room
Tuesdays: Hallway, Stairway, Master Closet, Master Bathroom
Wednesdays: Master Bedroom, Front Entryway, Front Porch, Dining Room
Thursdays: Living Room, Back Porch, Kitchen, Garage Entryway, 1/2 Bathroom
Fridays: Laundry Room, Garage, Stairway, Playroom, Family Room
Saturdays: Hallway, Brandon's Room, Mackenzie's Room, Basement Bathroom
Sundays: Vehicle, Yard Word, Gardening
Okay, I believe I have good routines figured out for myself and for the kids. I am not going to be getting much sleep for the next 18 years, but I know what I have to do. I will really have to puh myself even when I don't feel like doing anything.
Childcare
So the basic needs of my children are self-explanatory. I do need to do better in this area. I need to work on some routines for each of the boys and stick to them. I need to set up some rules, reward systems, and expected consequences and follow thru with them with consistency. I also need to set up chores for Andrew and Nikolas. This idea scares me the most. Mostly because of Andrew. He is such a strong-willed and defiant child. I know its going to be a struggle with Andrew. I think I'm gonna have to provide Andrew with his basic needs and books and require him to earn things back through chores, responsibility, and good behavior. I know this is what's going to happen with him. I'm just gonna have to enforce these chores no matter what. Now I have to figure out what chores I would like him to be responsible for. I know I would like him to make his bed each mornin, set and clear the table, keep the kid's bathroom straightened, declutter his bedroom floor each nite, and to declutter the playroom/family room floor for 5 minutes each nite with Nikolas's help. I think this will be a good starting point for Andrew. Okay now for Nikolas. He can help me make his bed, put laundry in the machines, declutter his bedroom floor, and help Andrew in the playroom/family room for 5 minutes. That should be good for Nikolas, for now.
Housekeeping
How do I keep 24 rooms/areas CHAOS free and clean? Do I start from the top each day or do I just focus on straightening but if I do that how will I work cleaning into my routines. My routines have to be doable each day. How do I manage childcare and getting out of CHAOS? I'm not sure how to answer this one yet.
Okay I stopped writing to think about how to handle this part and I hope I've come up with an answer. After the morning routines are completed I am going to do my FOCUS cleaning and laundry. I already have a FOCUS cleaning schedule in place. I will work on these two things until I start my afternoon routine. Once the kids are in bed I will focus on just straighteneing. Here is my FOCUS cleaning schedule:
Mondays: Office, Kid's Bathroom, Andrew's Room, Nikolas's Room, Alex's Room
Tuesdays: Hallway, Stairway, Master Closet, Master Bathroom
Wednesdays: Master Bedroom, Front Entryway, Front Porch, Dining Room
Thursdays: Living Room, Back Porch, Kitchen, Garage Entryway, 1/2 Bathroom
Fridays: Laundry Room, Garage, Stairway, Playroom, Family Room
Saturdays: Hallway, Brandon's Room, Mackenzie's Room, Basement Bathroom
Sundays: Vehicle, Yard Word, Gardening
Okay, I believe I have good routines figured out for myself and for the kids. I am not going to be getting much sleep for the next 18 years, but I know what I have to do. I will really have to puh myself even when I don't feel like doing anything.
Babystep Challenge Day #2 Get Dressed to Shoes
Today's babystep is to get dressed to shoes. This was an easy one for me to accomplish. I make a very good attempt to shower, dress, and put my shoes on everyday! In fact it's one of the very first things on my morning routine. On really hot days, I will admit, I do skip the shoes. I probably shouldn't but tennies just don't make sense and my crocs make my feet sweat so bad!
I am a tad grumpy today. I did extremely well this morning. I got up, at get this, 6:30 this morning. I was even up before Andrew and Alex. Nikolas was my alarm clock this morning. I got started on my and the kid's morning routines right away and sailed right thru them. I continued working thru my to-do list and got my bedroom done in no time. After that I went to the library and picked up some book to read on my self-improvement project. The library didn't have as good of a selection on parenting as I thought they would. I did pick up a few books to read. After I got home I decided I was going to read for a bit and most likely end up falling asleep. I did end up taking about a two hour nap. When I woke up I was so irritable and grumpy! That is the reason for this blog post.
I work so hard on this house and it just doesn't show! For example, like I said I cleaned my room this morning. Well it's now just a few hours later and you can hardly tell! Nikolas was in there most of the day. I realize Nikolas just turned three and shouldn't be held accountable since I wasn't watching him closer. It's just frustrating to work so hard and have my efforts only lasting 30 minutes or so. Andrew is even worse about this and at age 6 should have more respect and appreciation and a want to keep things clean for at least a little while. He just doesn't care about these things and/or needs to learn these things. He's like a hurricane or tornado. He can have a room a complete disaster in under a minute! Then there's the issue of appreciation. No one in this house says a damn thing about any of my efforts. Even Erek. I know we're on shakey ground right now but not even a thank you, nothing. It all just seems so self-defeating. Why try when no one seems to give a damn? Or when they only notice the things I DON'T do. How do I keep up? The laundry is piled high, every room needs cleaning/straightening/organizing, there's yard work and gardening to do, my vehicle on the inside is a disaster as well as the garage. I also have NOTHING ready for this baby to come in 4 weeks or less. It's like I'm invisible to this family! How do I become visible to the members of my family?
I have so many thoughts running through my head right now that I can't do anything else but think. I've cried, I've gotten mad and now I'm down about all of it. Why doesn't my husband care? I asked him to talk so I could get my thoughts out and he asked if we could do it after the kids were in bed. I/We got the little kids to bed and the older two were playing so what does he do, he gets on his computer. I feel like dirt, like scum, like I don't matter. I realize that a lof of this I deserve for how I've treated him in the past, but really? If he doesn't care why is he here? I feel like I'm being used for sex and to care for Brandon and Mackenzie. It's like he's only nice to me or will even just talk to me when he wants something. I love him so much but do I deserve to be treated like this? Yeah, I probably do, but this does not create a good model for the kids!
I am a tad grumpy today. I did extremely well this morning. I got up, at get this, 6:30 this morning. I was even up before Andrew and Alex. Nikolas was my alarm clock this morning. I got started on my and the kid's morning routines right away and sailed right thru them. I continued working thru my to-do list and got my bedroom done in no time. After that I went to the library and picked up some book to read on my self-improvement project. The library didn't have as good of a selection on parenting as I thought they would. I did pick up a few books to read. After I got home I decided I was going to read for a bit and most likely end up falling asleep. I did end up taking about a two hour nap. When I woke up I was so irritable and grumpy! That is the reason for this blog post.
I work so hard on this house and it just doesn't show! For example, like I said I cleaned my room this morning. Well it's now just a few hours later and you can hardly tell! Nikolas was in there most of the day. I realize Nikolas just turned three and shouldn't be held accountable since I wasn't watching him closer. It's just frustrating to work so hard and have my efforts only lasting 30 minutes or so. Andrew is even worse about this and at age 6 should have more respect and appreciation and a want to keep things clean for at least a little while. He just doesn't care about these things and/or needs to learn these things. He's like a hurricane or tornado. He can have a room a complete disaster in under a minute! Then there's the issue of appreciation. No one in this house says a damn thing about any of my efforts. Even Erek. I know we're on shakey ground right now but not even a thank you, nothing. It all just seems so self-defeating. Why try when no one seems to give a damn? Or when they only notice the things I DON'T do. How do I keep up? The laundry is piled high, every room needs cleaning/straightening/organizing, there's yard work and gardening to do, my vehicle on the inside is a disaster as well as the garage. I also have NOTHING ready for this baby to come in 4 weeks or less. It's like I'm invisible to this family! How do I become visible to the members of my family?
I have so many thoughts running through my head right now that I can't do anything else but think. I've cried, I've gotten mad and now I'm down about all of it. Why doesn't my husband care? I asked him to talk so I could get my thoughts out and he asked if we could do it after the kids were in bed. I/We got the little kids to bed and the older two were playing so what does he do, he gets on his computer. I feel like dirt, like scum, like I don't matter. I realize that a lof of this I deserve for how I've treated him in the past, but really? If he doesn't care why is he here? I feel like I'm being used for sex and to care for Brandon and Mackenzie. It's like he's only nice to me or will even just talk to me when he wants something. I love him so much but do I deserve to be treated like this? Yeah, I probably do, but this does not create a good model for the kids!
Babystep Challenge Day #1 Shine Your Sink
So Jag, one of the moderators in the Flylady chat challenged the rest of us to do the Beginner Babysteps from the Flylady website. Day 1 is to shine my sink. I did it! I shined my sink once today! I am officially fluttering! I am on my way to Flying and having a CHAOS free home. This is just perfect timing! I have gotten a lot done today! I got my Morning Routine done pretty quickly and got busy right after that on Andrew's room. I got interrupted by a counseling appointment and then Alex's physical therapy session. After that I took a cat nap, picked up Andrew from school, went to the bank, and then to the store for a few things. I got right back to cleaning Andrew's room. As I mentioned in my last post he had tons of legos on his floor! I got them all disassembled or picked up the lose ones. His bedding just needs to be washed, his closet straightened and floor vacuumed. I am still going strong tonight with energy so I will probably have a lengthy post again tomorrow.
Let me update you a little bit on Erek and I. As I mentioned earlier we had a counseling appointment today. I showed Erek the list I had compiled of areas I would like to improve/change about myself. He didn't say much about it. I flat out asked him if he thought my list was missing anythin and he couldn't think of anything. So I think I'm moving in the right direction. Dr. Fall, our counselor, asked Erek where he stood on me and him and he responded that he wasn't sure. That's a ton better than him saying he's done. We covered a few more things and it was a really good session, I think anyway.
I am really struggling with breaking the topic of family into smaller areas. I can find a little here and there but nothing solid. I am also having a hard time even finding books on the topic. So far I have expectations, patience and love, serving your family, and acceptance. I know there has to be more!
One of the ladies in the Flylady chat suggested that I set goals to strive for with each area of every major category. I think this is a wonderful suggestion! I really think I need to finish breaking each category down first, compile a list of books I need to read and then write out my specific goals for each area. Once I have gotten this far I will have a goal to strive for and then I can work each day on that one goal until I've accomplished it. Sounds like a plan to me. Tomorrow I am going to the library to get my first book! I am so excited to start THIS personal challenge. Well the dryer just chimmed so time to get some housework done!
Let me update you a little bit on Erek and I. As I mentioned earlier we had a counseling appointment today. I showed Erek the list I had compiled of areas I would like to improve/change about myself. He didn't say much about it. I flat out asked him if he thought my list was missing anythin and he couldn't think of anything. So I think I'm moving in the right direction. Dr. Fall, our counselor, asked Erek where he stood on me and him and he responded that he wasn't sure. That's a ton better than him saying he's done. We covered a few more things and it was a really good session, I think anyway.
I am really struggling with breaking the topic of family into smaller areas. I can find a little here and there but nothing solid. I am also having a hard time even finding books on the topic. So far I have expectations, patience and love, serving your family, and acceptance. I know there has to be more!
One of the ladies in the Flylady chat suggested that I set goals to strive for with each area of every major category. I think this is a wonderful suggestion! I really think I need to finish breaking each category down first, compile a list of books I need to read and then write out my specific goals for each area. Once I have gotten this far I will have a goal to strive for and then I can work each day on that one goal until I've accomplished it. Sounds like a plan to me. Tomorrow I am going to the library to get my first book! I am so excited to start THIS personal challenge. Well the dryer just chimmed so time to get some housework done!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Flopping Again
Flying hasn't been going so well. All though there is a reason for it this time. I went in for my weekly NST (non-stress test) at my OB office. Logan's heartrate wasn't elevating, it was just staying at the baseline. So they sent me to triage in L & D. They hooked me up to the monitors there and then sent me for an ultrasound test. The ultrasound test came back good. I got back to triage and his heartrate regulated. By then I was getting some contrax so they monitored those. They sputtered out so they sent me home. However, I was told to put my feet up and to take it easy for the weekend. I was also put on limited activity and was told no stairs, walking, standing, shopping, or lifting. So I did as I was told and put my feet up as much as I could. Then today (yesterday) came and I haven't been listening. Today I did my morning routine, did 15 minutes of decluttering in the office, cleaned the kid's bathroom and have most of Alex's room clean. I got to building legos on my list and realized something. Andrew had opened all of the lego sets I'd bought, completed half of each one and gone onto the next set. Not only that but he took some of the legos I needed for the one set I was building and now they are God knows where. So I spent a majority of my nite disassembling and picking up legos off of Alex's floor! Other than that I've gotten a few loads of laundry done. I was feeling creative so I thought I would write. I still haven't shined my sink! Guess I need to start over yet again. I hate when I slack-off like that. When I don't bless my home it makes me feel like a failure as a wife, mother, and housekeeper. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do. Right now, until I learn differently, it's how I show my family I care.
Speaking of that, I have been doing a lot of research on the internet about how I want to change for the better. I think I have a pretty good list of the areas I want to learn/improve. I've only researched parenting, marriage, step-parenting and housekeeping so far. Actually I didn't have to research housekeeping because I know I will use the Flylady system. Anyway, the areas I have broken parenting/step-parenting down into are discipline, teaching, displays of love (affection), accountability, responsibility, respect, education, morals, values, expectations, encouragement, and confidence. The areas of marriage I would like to work on would be positivity, empathy, committment, acceptance, mutual love and respect, open communication, controlling negative thoughts, foregiveness, problem solving, and family traditions. I seems to me that I haven't figured out all of the areas of marriage that I need to work on. Feels like I'm missing something. I guess I'll have to do some more searching on the internet.
Well today (yesterday) has ended, I'll continue on in another post because I have so much more to say and update you on!
Speaking of that, I have been doing a lot of research on the internet about how I want to change for the better. I think I have a pretty good list of the areas I want to learn/improve. I've only researched parenting, marriage, step-parenting and housekeeping so far. Actually I didn't have to research housekeeping because I know I will use the Flylady system. Anyway, the areas I have broken parenting/step-parenting down into are discipline, teaching, displays of love (affection), accountability, responsibility, respect, education, morals, values, expectations, encouragement, and confidence. The areas of marriage I would like to work on would be positivity, empathy, committment, acceptance, mutual love and respect, open communication, controlling negative thoughts, foregiveness, problem solving, and family traditions. I seems to me that I haven't figured out all of the areas of marriage that I need to work on. Feels like I'm missing something. I guess I'll have to do some more searching on the internet.
Well today (yesterday) has ended, I'll continue on in another post because I have so much more to say and update you on!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Day 1 - Beginner Babystep 1
Today it says on the flylady website that I need to shine my sink...so I guess I will go do that now!
I don't know why I have such a hard time sticking with things. I know that life changes and hands you obsticles that you must overcome. Having a CHOAS free home is a major dream of mine! I want it so bad for my husband and my boys. I know that I will be working on this for a lifetime but I don't understand why I have such a hard time keeping up with it. I flutter and flutter and start over and try again and it just doesn't stick. I know that I have 3 young boys and soon to have 4 young boys, plus Brandon and Mackenzie. I really need to become more consistant with the boys and get them on routines too...but how am I suppose to be consistant with them when I can't be consistant with myself? I also don't know why I can't just do things whether I want to do them or not. Being a wife, mother and homemaker is not about what I want. It's about what my family deserves to have...and they deserve to have a mother who can get off her ass and get things done whether I want to or not. Erek deserves a home that is relaxing so that when he's not working he can relax. I realize that this will not happen overnite but will this time really be any different? Did my marriage hitting rock bottom not teach me anything. I know I've given up caffeine which is a start for the health of my baby but what about the rest of it. Can I do this. I want to but I've been "like this" for so long how do you take the babysteps to change who you are when you don't know what those babysteps are? Giving up caffeine is a great start but it's not nearly enough. I think my first babystep towards a new me is talking to my hubby. He knows me so well and will answer this honestly...Maybe I'll try to sit down with him now and write out what needs changing so I can use that as my babysteps. I'll add more after I've talked to him.
Well surprise, surprise Erek didn't have time to talk to me about what all he thinks I need to change. I really want to get started on this but I just don't know where and was hoping for his input. I guess I just need to jump in and figure this out on my own. I know the big things that I need to change like being a better mother to my children, a better wife to my husband, a better stepmom to Brandon and Mackenzie, and a better homemaker. Those are a given. I guess all of those boil down to I have to stop being so selfish. I've always had to make myself #1 with my mother because of her criticisms and lack of tact. How I was never perfect, I was far from it actually, especially as a teenager. I need to become a better friend, daughter, niece, sister to all of my family and friends.
There is also so much I would like to change about myself personally. I need to learn to take better care of myself. I have to want to do this and that requires good self esteem. I majorly want to be mentally fit. To learn to overcome my lows and depression. I want to be able to motivate myself even when I don't want to do something! Flylady has a body clutter book, she needs a mind clutter book too.
Boy this is hard to even think about...there's so much I want to change about myself. I want to change everything/make my positive traits stronger. Where do I start. What area do I focus on? Do I need to focus on myself first and the rest will fall into place? Or is that me being selfish again. I have so many questions about creating a new me! I want to get started right this second but how, where? Do I start small and work on one thing at a time or do I dive right in and work on all aspects at the same time? How do I accomplish all of this when I don't know where to start, or what to start on.
I do know one thing I need to be working on right now and that's my relationship/marriage as it's on life support.
I guess I'll start by listing all of the big areas of my life that need tweaking/changing and then break them down into smaller portions.
I don't know why I have such a hard time sticking with things. I know that life changes and hands you obsticles that you must overcome. Having a CHOAS free home is a major dream of mine! I want it so bad for my husband and my boys. I know that I will be working on this for a lifetime but I don't understand why I have such a hard time keeping up with it. I flutter and flutter and start over and try again and it just doesn't stick. I know that I have 3 young boys and soon to have 4 young boys, plus Brandon and Mackenzie. I really need to become more consistant with the boys and get them on routines too...but how am I suppose to be consistant with them when I can't be consistant with myself? I also don't know why I can't just do things whether I want to do them or not. Being a wife, mother and homemaker is not about what I want. It's about what my family deserves to have...and they deserve to have a mother who can get off her ass and get things done whether I want to or not. Erek deserves a home that is relaxing so that when he's not working he can relax. I realize that this will not happen overnite but will this time really be any different? Did my marriage hitting rock bottom not teach me anything. I know I've given up caffeine which is a start for the health of my baby but what about the rest of it. Can I do this. I want to but I've been "like this" for so long how do you take the babysteps to change who you are when you don't know what those babysteps are? Giving up caffeine is a great start but it's not nearly enough. I think my first babystep towards a new me is talking to my hubby. He knows me so well and will answer this honestly...Maybe I'll try to sit down with him now and write out what needs changing so I can use that as my babysteps. I'll add more after I've talked to him.
Well surprise, surprise Erek didn't have time to talk to me about what all he thinks I need to change. I really want to get started on this but I just don't know where and was hoping for his input. I guess I just need to jump in and figure this out on my own. I know the big things that I need to change like being a better mother to my children, a better wife to my husband, a better stepmom to Brandon and Mackenzie, and a better homemaker. Those are a given. I guess all of those boil down to I have to stop being so selfish. I've always had to make myself #1 with my mother because of her criticisms and lack of tact. How I was never perfect, I was far from it actually, especially as a teenager. I need to become a better friend, daughter, niece, sister to all of my family and friends.
There is also so much I would like to change about myself personally. I need to learn to take better care of myself. I have to want to do this and that requires good self esteem. I majorly want to be mentally fit. To learn to overcome my lows and depression. I want to be able to motivate myself even when I don't want to do something! Flylady has a body clutter book, she needs a mind clutter book too.
Boy this is hard to even think about...there's so much I want to change about myself. I want to change everything/make my positive traits stronger. Where do I start. What area do I focus on? Do I need to focus on myself first and the rest will fall into place? Or is that me being selfish again. I have so many questions about creating a new me! I want to get started right this second but how, where? Do I start small and work on one thing at a time or do I dive right in and work on all aspects at the same time? How do I accomplish all of this when I don't know where to start, or what to start on.
I do know one thing I need to be working on right now and that's my relationship/marriage as it's on life support.
I guess I'll start by listing all of the big areas of my life that need tweaking/changing and then break them down into smaller portions.
Parenting
Marriage
Step-Parenting
Housework
Family
Friends
Gardening
Education
Self
Well I need to think some more and do some research on the internet before I can figure out exactly what each of the little sub-categories will be for each area. So I will leave it off here for now.
The Beginning
Here I am again, starting over with flylady. I just want a haven for a home. A place my family can be proud of! So here's my journey with flylady from day 1.
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