Flying hasn't been going so well. All though there is a reason for it this time. I went in for my weekly NST (non-stress test) at my OB office. Logan's heartrate wasn't elevating, it was just staying at the baseline. So they sent me to triage in L & D. They hooked me up to the monitors there and then sent me for an ultrasound test. The ultrasound test came back good. I got back to triage and his heartrate regulated. By then I was getting some contrax so they monitored those. They sputtered out so they sent me home. However, I was told to put my feet up and to take it easy for the weekend. I was also put on limited activity and was told no stairs, walking, standing, shopping, or lifting. So I did as I was told and put my feet up as much as I could. Then today (yesterday) came and I haven't been listening. Today I did my morning routine, did 15 minutes of decluttering in the office, cleaned the kid's bathroom and have most of Alex's room clean. I got to building legos on my list and realized something. Andrew had opened all of the lego sets I'd bought, completed half of each one and gone onto the next set. Not only that but he took some of the legos I needed for the one set I was building and now they are God knows where. So I spent a majority of my nite disassembling and picking up legos off of Alex's floor! Other than that I've gotten a few loads of laundry done. I was feeling creative so I thought I would write. I still haven't shined my sink! Guess I need to start over yet again. I hate when I slack-off like that. When I don't bless my home it makes me feel like a failure as a wife, mother, and housekeeper. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do. Right now, until I learn differently, it's how I show my family I care.
Speaking of that, I have been doing a lot of research on the internet about how I want to change for the better. I think I have a pretty good list of the areas I want to learn/improve. I've only researched parenting, marriage, step-parenting and housekeeping so far. Actually I didn't have to research housekeeping because I know I will use the Flylady system. Anyway, the areas I have broken parenting/step-parenting down into are discipline, teaching, displays of love (affection), accountability, responsibility, respect, education, morals, values, expectations, encouragement, and confidence. The areas of marriage I would like to work on would be positivity, empathy, committment, acceptance, mutual love and respect, open communication, controlling negative thoughts, foregiveness, problem solving, and family traditions. I seems to me that I haven't figured out all of the areas of marriage that I need to work on. Feels like I'm missing something. I guess I'll have to do some more searching on the internet.
Well today (yesterday) has ended, I'll continue on in another post because I have so much more to say and update you on!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Day 1 - Beginner Babystep 1
Today it says on the flylady website that I need to shine my sink...so I guess I will go do that now!
I don't know why I have such a hard time sticking with things. I know that life changes and hands you obsticles that you must overcome. Having a CHOAS free home is a major dream of mine! I want it so bad for my husband and my boys. I know that I will be working on this for a lifetime but I don't understand why I have such a hard time keeping up with it. I flutter and flutter and start over and try again and it just doesn't stick. I know that I have 3 young boys and soon to have 4 young boys, plus Brandon and Mackenzie. I really need to become more consistant with the boys and get them on routines too...but how am I suppose to be consistant with them when I can't be consistant with myself? I also don't know why I can't just do things whether I want to do them or not. Being a wife, mother and homemaker is not about what I want. It's about what my family deserves to have...and they deserve to have a mother who can get off her ass and get things done whether I want to or not. Erek deserves a home that is relaxing so that when he's not working he can relax. I realize that this will not happen overnite but will this time really be any different? Did my marriage hitting rock bottom not teach me anything. I know I've given up caffeine which is a start for the health of my baby but what about the rest of it. Can I do this. I want to but I've been "like this" for so long how do you take the babysteps to change who you are when you don't know what those babysteps are? Giving up caffeine is a great start but it's not nearly enough. I think my first babystep towards a new me is talking to my hubby. He knows me so well and will answer this honestly...Maybe I'll try to sit down with him now and write out what needs changing so I can use that as my babysteps. I'll add more after I've talked to him.
Well surprise, surprise Erek didn't have time to talk to me about what all he thinks I need to change. I really want to get started on this but I just don't know where and was hoping for his input. I guess I just need to jump in and figure this out on my own. I know the big things that I need to change like being a better mother to my children, a better wife to my husband, a better stepmom to Brandon and Mackenzie, and a better homemaker. Those are a given. I guess all of those boil down to I have to stop being so selfish. I've always had to make myself #1 with my mother because of her criticisms and lack of tact. How I was never perfect, I was far from it actually, especially as a teenager. I need to become a better friend, daughter, niece, sister to all of my family and friends.
There is also so much I would like to change about myself personally. I need to learn to take better care of myself. I have to want to do this and that requires good self esteem. I majorly want to be mentally fit. To learn to overcome my lows and depression. I want to be able to motivate myself even when I don't want to do something! Flylady has a body clutter book, she needs a mind clutter book too.
Boy this is hard to even think about...there's so much I want to change about myself. I want to change everything/make my positive traits stronger. Where do I start. What area do I focus on? Do I need to focus on myself first and the rest will fall into place? Or is that me being selfish again. I have so many questions about creating a new me! I want to get started right this second but how, where? Do I start small and work on one thing at a time or do I dive right in and work on all aspects at the same time? How do I accomplish all of this when I don't know where to start, or what to start on.
I do know one thing I need to be working on right now and that's my relationship/marriage as it's on life support.
I guess I'll start by listing all of the big areas of my life that need tweaking/changing and then break them down into smaller portions.
I don't know why I have such a hard time sticking with things. I know that life changes and hands you obsticles that you must overcome. Having a CHOAS free home is a major dream of mine! I want it so bad for my husband and my boys. I know that I will be working on this for a lifetime but I don't understand why I have such a hard time keeping up with it. I flutter and flutter and start over and try again and it just doesn't stick. I know that I have 3 young boys and soon to have 4 young boys, plus Brandon and Mackenzie. I really need to become more consistant with the boys and get them on routines too...but how am I suppose to be consistant with them when I can't be consistant with myself? I also don't know why I can't just do things whether I want to do them or not. Being a wife, mother and homemaker is not about what I want. It's about what my family deserves to have...and they deserve to have a mother who can get off her ass and get things done whether I want to or not. Erek deserves a home that is relaxing so that when he's not working he can relax. I realize that this will not happen overnite but will this time really be any different? Did my marriage hitting rock bottom not teach me anything. I know I've given up caffeine which is a start for the health of my baby but what about the rest of it. Can I do this. I want to but I've been "like this" for so long how do you take the babysteps to change who you are when you don't know what those babysteps are? Giving up caffeine is a great start but it's not nearly enough. I think my first babystep towards a new me is talking to my hubby. He knows me so well and will answer this honestly...Maybe I'll try to sit down with him now and write out what needs changing so I can use that as my babysteps. I'll add more after I've talked to him.
Well surprise, surprise Erek didn't have time to talk to me about what all he thinks I need to change. I really want to get started on this but I just don't know where and was hoping for his input. I guess I just need to jump in and figure this out on my own. I know the big things that I need to change like being a better mother to my children, a better wife to my husband, a better stepmom to Brandon and Mackenzie, and a better homemaker. Those are a given. I guess all of those boil down to I have to stop being so selfish. I've always had to make myself #1 with my mother because of her criticisms and lack of tact. How I was never perfect, I was far from it actually, especially as a teenager. I need to become a better friend, daughter, niece, sister to all of my family and friends.
There is also so much I would like to change about myself personally. I need to learn to take better care of myself. I have to want to do this and that requires good self esteem. I majorly want to be mentally fit. To learn to overcome my lows and depression. I want to be able to motivate myself even when I don't want to do something! Flylady has a body clutter book, she needs a mind clutter book too.
Boy this is hard to even think about...there's so much I want to change about myself. I want to change everything/make my positive traits stronger. Where do I start. What area do I focus on? Do I need to focus on myself first and the rest will fall into place? Or is that me being selfish again. I have so many questions about creating a new me! I want to get started right this second but how, where? Do I start small and work on one thing at a time or do I dive right in and work on all aspects at the same time? How do I accomplish all of this when I don't know where to start, or what to start on.
I do know one thing I need to be working on right now and that's my relationship/marriage as it's on life support.
I guess I'll start by listing all of the big areas of my life that need tweaking/changing and then break them down into smaller portions.
Parenting
Marriage
Step-Parenting
Housework
Family
Friends
Gardening
Education
Self
Well I need to think some more and do some research on the internet before I can figure out exactly what each of the little sub-categories will be for each area. So I will leave it off here for now.
The Beginning
Here I am again, starting over with flylady. I just want a haven for a home. A place my family can be proud of! So here's my journey with flylady from day 1.
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